?

Log in

halcyon
10 April 2010 @ 02:14 pm
I'M IN USA

yes, i guess now would be a good time to update lj after a 4 month absence or so.
HELLO. yes, i'm in wisconsin and bloody hell this country is massive. so like, well, i've been here since tuesday and i'm quite enjoying american food and oh god your pizza is delicious even if it is oven pizza that has been frozen THE SAUCE OH GOD THE SAUCE. derp.
so, yes, i flew from aberdeen to amsterdam and that part was hell.
this is why it was hell:
1) when i arrived, i spent 2 hours looking for a place to smoke and then found a pub where you smoke in the back and some morrocan guy was harassing me blahblahblah.
2) when i decided to check in for my transfer flight, they asked me about 50 questions because i'm a ~minor and staying with a ~random guy (lol) so they took me UNDER FUCKING GROUND to a mad white room where there were like, 5 policemen sitting around with macbooks and this dutch chick took me into a cubicle then bodysearched me. that obviously wasn't satisfying enough since i'm amazingly stunning so she got out her metal detector which, tbh, turned me on a little but yeah. i thought this was scary but i ain't seen nothin' yet. just wait for detroit.
SO. they started searching through my bags etcetc, took apart EVERY LTITLE THING i.e my camera. "can you take dis battery out" "agh zo kleine" like wtf. i'm obv terrorist, right? just stare into my innocent black hole eyes.
EVENTUALLY they let me on the fucking plane, now..

i get on the plane. i sit down. i'm sat next to some german who won't stop moving. this was deemed to be a bad flight from the start, but i've never been on a plane for more than 3 hours so.. THIS FLIGHT, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT IT.

they sit you down and make you watch a wee video on the back of your chair, if you find american tackiness amusing then you will understand why it was so hard to contain myself.
big-breasted blonde chick smiling at you "OCH HIYA WE'RE DELTA, WATCH THIS FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY" "PLEASE DON'T SMOKE" and then the blonde chick leans over to some black lady who is trying to light up on the plane (y u do dis?) "i'm sorry you can't smoke here!" black lady apologises. wat. WAT. wee bit racist 'cos they were menthols too. no being funny either.
after all that happens and the plane takes off they IMMEDIATELY WHEEL OUT THIS BIG ASS TROLLEY FULL OF DRANKS. now, being british i am used to paying for absolutely everything on every flight ever but NOOOO, THIS IS AMERICA. LET US SET YOU AN EXAMPLE BEFORE YOU'VE EVEN FLOWN OVER THE ATLANTIC. so they ask me what i want. and i'm like how much is the water? "this is complimentary!" SO BASICALLY THEY ARE HANDING OUT BEER ETCETC FOR FREE. FUCK YES. IF YOU EVER FLY TO AMERICA, FLY WITH DELTA BECAUSE HOT SHIT DAMN. THIS IS ONLY THE START!!!!!!!!
so they wheel around the cart for an hour, then come back with peanuts and chips. then they give you headphones. yup. then when we fly over iceland they ask you if you want pasta or chicken? i asked for pasta. what do you get with that?
CHEESE. ROLL. BISCUIT. APPLE PIE. CANTELOPE? PASTA THING WITH SPINACH OH GOD. CRACKERS. OTHER SUCH THINGS THAT MADE ME HAPPY INSIDE.
approaching canada we get more beer/anything you want. this is all free.
right now, as we start flying over the canadian coast there are a bunch of fucking icey cap thingies. (wee radiohead plug for those of you who know about my shirt :3 notrly but i love that shirt.) AND AND so, newfoundland i think it was = amazing mountains of pure white cocaine. notrly btu they looked tasty! srsly wanted to grab an axe and float down and lick them. bloody hell.  then we got to the canadian wilderness and fuck that, i put new moon on. this was new to me. NEVER EVER EVER WATCH THIS MOVIE ON A PLANE OH MY GOD. i wanted to kill myself. EDWARD JACOB EDWARD JACOB.
so during new moon they gave me a visa card thingy to fill out, and i kinda bugged out because i was scared they wouldn't let me through. more about that later. but yah, i asked the german guy for a pen and he's all amgz, ja pen, okay here u go, pen :3 then he went off and played bejeweled on the back of a seat. no lie.
flying over toronto they give you PIZZA. YES. PIZZA. FUCKING AMERICANS AND THEIR GOD DAMN FOOD.

ah right the rest of the plane journey kinda sucked 'cos i was floating in and out of conciousness SO. landed in detroit, detroit is big, lots of big things in detroit, it's like a chessboard except the black squares are more intimidating D: got off the plane and a white guy said to me.
do you know what he said to me.
do you know.
he said to me
"arigatou gozaimasu, welcome 2 tokyo"
NOT SURE HOW TO TAKE THAT.
i'm not sure if it was 'cos of my clothes or the fact that theres an inside joke on teh internets that i'm asian that somehow spread to detroit but WTF? WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO SOMEONE? YOUJ WORK FOR DELTA. WE'RE IN DETROIT. WTF??
so yup, finally get to the wee customs bitty and... WELCOME TO AMERICA. WAIT NO, WELCOME TO HELL.
give my passport to some flippy lady and she's all ok ok we're gonna take you into this room, follow me. as if that wasn't scary enoguh like 8 big black men came and collected me and sat me down, took my suitcase off me, took my bag off me. YUP.

oh btw wee bit i forgot to add: anyone who watches hetalia, I FLEW OVER ACTUAL SEALAND FUCK YEAR. SO AHPPY. also dutch windmills in the middle of the ocean. ANYWAY.

so like, they asked me a bunch of questions then phoned my mother then phoned jesse and algjhdjsk WAT. i was so scared because they were arresting like 3 people in that room for being illegal D: BUT THEY LET ME THROUGH AND WHEEEY VISA. /fondles it

NOW IWAS FREE TO LIKE, WALK ON AMERICAN SOIL but this confused me. i must have looked mad gay because i was just staring around at americans being american and D: so i walk over to da gate for milwaukee and lol. GET ON THE PLANE. AMERICAN PEOPLE. AMERICANISMS. AAAAAAAH.
wait this part of my adventure is kind of boring because no one really wants to know about dis bullshit. uhhhh. but like, i guess everyone enjoyed my entries about london/belgium/pkp/ediwhateve :/

BUT JA WE GOT LOST IN MOTHERFUCKING MILWAUKEE FOR 2 GOD DAMN HOURS HOT TITS. that wasn't much fun since i hadn't slept in like, 72 hours minus a 10minute nap on the plane :@ BUT YES. i was bugging out at random lit up clock tower, HUEG ASS FREEWAYS (DUDE THEY ARE HUGE) and like the billboards D: wtf. so much advertising, y?
ALRIGT SO WE PASS A GAZILLION MCDONALDS/SUBWAYS/WENDYS/TACO BELLS/EVERY OTHER FUCKING THING EVER. fffuuu-

SO YESTERDAY. WE GO TO WALMART. RIGHT.



look at this shit. and no i didn't buy anything. JESSE BOUGHT ALL THIS BECAUSE HE IS WONDERFUL ETCETC  OH GOD I NEED TO TRY THE APPLE SAUCE YUMYUM. obv hello kitty colouring book because i am such a weeaboo. and the pocky. >:[
OH YEAH, NOTICE THE FAKE BANANA AND THE REAL BANANAS? WALMART HAS A BUNCH OF FAKE FRUIT FOR A DOLLAR. LOLOLOL OHYEAH. and also in walmart they have fucking twitard shit like A SHIRT WITH EDWARDS FACE ON IT FOR $6.

walmart is funny though because there really ARE a bunch of fat people on scooters doin their sit n shop. on the way there we passed a sorority house and like, this drunk chick comes up to the car and starts hipthrusting at us whilst someone else took a picture. wat? WAT? we went to the park by lake winnebago and dat was awesome liek so awesome u wouldnt believe <3
and then
and then
god i don't even know, all this food makes my stomach hurt and i have to drink peptobismol (however the fuck you spell that?) every time i eat. bleh. BUT AYE, i looked in the freezer one day and theres this thing called kid cuisine, right?
it's basically like fucking rainbow box shit with star shaped pasta and sweetcorn and CHOKLIT WTF GOD DAMN THATS A MEAL RIGHT THERE. also, the bagels here are CUT IN HALF FOR YOU. LIKE YOU DONT EVEN NEED TO DO SHIT, JUST POP IT INT HE TOASTER AND YOU'RE SETTLED. what do i do with cheese curds btw?
oh also also pizza rolls = amaze but i ate like 50 of them and felt sick. aaaaah. TAFFY IS AMAZE. SOUR PATCH KIDS IS AMAZE TOO. LOL @ WALMART THOUGH BECAUSE LIKE when you walk down the candy aisle they have boxes of m&ms in specific colours for $4.. lol.

so, yes, american adventure part 1 AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO STILL HAS ME ON LIVEJOURNAL BUT FEEL FREE TO READ/COMMENT/GIVE SUGGESTIONS ON WHAT I SHOULD DO WITH MYSELF

i phoned my mother today and she is like
"you sound so american already"
... D:

hoithurr. STUNNING.

sorry this entry is so long btw, i really should ptu it behind a cut but on the other hand i rly cba. ;D
also also is alice in wonderland any good> thinking of going to see it tonight BUT I'VE HEARD MIXED REVIEWS D:
 
 
Current Location: SLOSHKOSH
Current Mood: horny
Current Music: I DUNNO LOL